Friday, May 29, 2009

Best Costume Ever and Birth During New Moon

Sister Widow is due with baby #2 on November 23. While we were talking about the Twilight Saga and how it was taking me forever to get through Breaking Dawn, she says the strangest thing.

Sister Widow: That's what I'm going to be for Halloween.

Me: Huh? (obviously I was really slow that day)

Sister Widow: Duh, pregnant Bella.

Me: I'm pretty sure the only people that would get that would be you and me. And only because you told me.

Sister Widow: This is gonna be the most awesome costume ever!

I have to disagree since I think Nephew Widow's Spongebob Squarepants costume was pretty wicked last year, but why burst her bubble. (I'm a lover of all things Spongebob, so shoot me)

Since she's due so close to the release date of New Moon, we're getting kind of scared that she won't make it. I know I don't want to be the people on the news whose relative had a baby in the movie theatre. Plus, if she has the baby before the movie comes out and she's still in the hospital, I'll just drag Mr. Widow to go see it. I can watch it again when she's out of the hospital right? Nothing wrong with seeing it multiple times in the theater.

Sister Widow has employed just this strategy with the Harry Potter movies. We always go see them opening weekend together, before she sees it with her boyfriend. She's even willing to lie and say she hasn't seen the movie yet. What a sister! I think she really just has to see it again since I'm usually asking her questions during the movie since I refuse to read the books. Who knows how much she actually remembers.

During our annual Harry Potter movie trip in 2002, we encountered the worst thing imaginable in the women's bathroom on our way out of the theater. Was it crack whores? People making out in the bathroom? No, far worse. We caught the 11:00 pm show so it was 1:00 am when we left. Stopping off at the bathroom before we left was a big mistake. Someone had smeared poo all over a couple of the bathroom stall walls. It was so gross. We expect that from boys, not girls. We really felt sorry for the poor movie theater worker that was gonna have to clean that!

And to start something new, here's a picture that makes you go WTF! I guess partying Grandma just couldn't keep up.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Memorial Day Beauty - Twilight Style

After having a barbecue on Sunday night, we all had Memorial Day free. Sister Widow decided she needed her eyebrows waxed, so I fired up the wax melter. I started waxing the eyebrows of Mommy Widow and myself at home a few years ago. We just got sick of paying someone to do it and having to wait for someone to make them crooked anyway! So Sister Widow finally got over her distrust of my skills (Maybe I beat her up too much when we were little?) and I waxed Mommy's, Sister's, and my eyebrows yesterday. We all joked that it was a day of beauty, so to torture my husband we kept bugging him to do his hair.

My husband's hair grows super fast and is really thick, so he gets "helmet head" in a month if he doesn't get a hair cut. He wouldn't let me get a flowbee to cut his hair since "I'm not allowed anywhere near his head with a blade and a shopvac." He is so not up for that kind of fun and money saving. Since his hair has grown out and is approaching helmet status, I got an idea. I texted my sister last week saying "I think Mr. Widow's hair is long enough to do like RPattz." Since she was at work, I only got a reply of "LOL." Fast forward to Memorial Day. My sister hadn't seen Twilight on our bigger new HD tv, so I popped the blue ray disc into the PS3(yes, I actually got to use it to watch a dvd!).

Mr. Widow is in and out of the family room and finally sits down when we get to the parking lot rescue scene. That's when Sister Widow remembers my text from last week. Here's a recap of the conversation:

Sister Widow: Hey Mr. Widow, you should let us do your hair.

Mr. Widow: How about no? (In his best Dr. Evil impersonation)

Me: We could totally do your hair like that guy's (meaning Edward).

Mr. Widow: The only way I'll let you guys do my hair like that is if I can stop an Astro Van with my hand.

Sister Widow: You will totally be able to stop a van with that hairdo.

Me: We only have Mommy Widow's Windstar around here since we all have SUVs, so we can't test out your Astro Van theory.

Anyway, we go back and forth for about a half hour when the negotiations get serious. Mr. Widow gets to take a nap, then play Call of Duty while we do his hair. I think my sister and I are really getting the better end of the deal here. Here's the before and after shots of the hubby's hair.

Now the hubby's before picture is after a night of partying, so it's not normally so crapalicious. I think the after pic is pretty good. His hair isn't that long after all, as long as he sticks it up like this. Don't you love what my family gets into when we're bored?

We attempted the same hairdo with Nephew Widow, but he just turned out looking like Billy Idol. (He's 2 and very cute, so I'll post the entire picture). Here he is doing his impersonation of Billy Idol circa 1986.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I'll laugh at you if you want me to

To entertain myself while Mr. Widow ignores me and yells at people thousands of miles away while playing Call of Duty, I've found some websites that fill my need to laugh at people. Not to their face mind you, that's just rude. Here's a list of the websites that totally make me laugh my ass off on a daily basis at those less fortunate.

F*ck My Life - This site catalogs some of the worst days that people experience. Some are funny, some are dirty, but most are pee your pants funny. Very blackberry friendly site too and on twitter, so I can get updates several times a day. Very convenient for when I go back to work after my maternity leave is over (T minus 10 days and counting). Even my 86 year old grandma laughs at the stuff on this site. I'm pretty sure there's an opposing site with how great people's days are, but what's the fun in that?

Awkward Family Photos - Some of the funniest pictures on the web can be found here. There's a sh*tload of pictures of people with their pets. We have two cats, we just don't pose for professional photos with them. We try not to advertise our "crazy cat people" status. This one has to be my favorite. The thing to remember is they are all siblings. Soooooo creepy. How did anyone think this pose was a good idea?

Funny Status Messages from Facebook - Most of my facebook status updates are just me bitching and complaining, so it's nice to see what other people put up there. Let me clarify, what the other odd, strange people put up there. My favorite has to be "has secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg. Will her guests be able to tell the difference? " So funny and so wrong at the same time. People will think twice about eating over at that person's place again.

And what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't have some funny Twilight related sites? These sites are the funniest that I check everyday when getting my Twilight fix.

Twitarded - These are two of the funniest ladies I've read. It's rare to find two that are so funny and sarcastic. Most people mistake my sarcasm for being funny. Usually I'm just being rude and they don't realize it.

Twilight Widowers Anonymous - This husband is at least taking his wife's obsession with Twilight and entertaining himself with it. And entertaining everyone else with his blog.

We Bite Pretty Hard - I think I've found sound kindred spirits on this site...they love books, handbags, and are wickedly funny. Plus, Bitches loves Peeps, so she's A-OK in my book!

Letters to Twilight - I especially like their "2nd hand embarassed" posts. I feel this way a lot. It's nice to see other people who are embarassed for others too.

Pillow Biters - This site always has up to the minute updates on the new movies. And they are hilarious while posting the news.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Ditch the bag Rob

Seriously Rob, you can’t afford to buy a new more attractive manbag? I cringe every time I see him at the airport carrying that shiteous black old-man bag. The only other person that I know still carries one of those is cheap and refuses to buy a new one. He’s been using it since the early 90s and has been fixing it with duct tape. And he's in his 50s. Is it wrong for me to hope that the x-ray machine at the security check point somehow chews it up?

I can take the very small wardrobe consisting of flannel shirts, v-neck shirts, and black jeans. I grew up in the era of grunge – Alice In Chains is still my favorite band followed by Soundgarden and Pearl Jam. They all totally rocked the flannel, so I get it. Oh and we can’t forget the black hoodie. You’re a celebrity, if you’re gonna be too cheap to buy anything new you can just get some free stuff. If not, I’m sure the Salvation Army has to have something better. Or if you aren't in a shopping mood, I’m sure there are plenty of chicks who will chip in with me to get you a more stylish bag.

The ladies over at Random Acts of Rob agree, ditch the dadcase asap. Before Lainey has a chance to post more embarassing pics of that bag.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Widowed by a video game?!?

Thinking I was being an awesome wife (and I was getting a blueray dvd player), I bought my husband a playstation 3. He got Call of Duty 5 from his parents for xmas at the demands of his friends. Frankly being sick of hearing his pleas of "how he could play online with the guys" and "I don't even know if I'll like the game", I finally hooked up our wireless router so he could play online.

I've never witnessed such verbal diarrhea as I have during my husband's marathon COD games. And I drive in Chicago traffic regularly! Since we only have one flat screen hd tv in our house, I can't watch anything without being begged to let him play his game. Plus, I just had our first baby 8 weeks ago. Our poor son has been falling asleep to gunshots through the surround sound and some of the filthiest language (and I can make a sailor blush) I've ever heard. We're off to a great start with our son, aren't we?

This blog will chronicle my latest obsessions and hobbies. Currently, my sister got me into Twilight and I'm sure the books almost gave me post partum depression for a couple of days (blog post about that in future). I've spent a good chunk of my 12 week maternity leave reading the books and trolling the internet for blogs and videos all about Twilight, the actors, the movies. All of this with a baby in my lap. Now that my leave is almost over (only 2 weeks left, where has all the time gone?), I think I'm going to have the shakes at work trying to check out all my blogs on my blackberry. Oh, and I'm in my early 30s and a scientist, so this newest obsession is so a secret. Nothing like nerds at work making fun of me.

What are my other obsessions? Mostly books, music, and a few tv shows. I go through books like beer goes through a frat boy, so I'll have plenty of comments about whatever I'm reading at the time. Having 2 1/2 hours on a train everyday just to get to work (and riding with some of the freakiest people I've ever seen), I have plenty of time to kill. Since the tv season for new episodes is over now, the show I'm looking forward to is season 2 of HBO's True Blood. This show is based on the Southern Vampire series by Charlaine Harris (another addicting set of novels with vampires and werewolves like the Twilight Saga). Season 2 starts on June 14, so just a small wait for that.
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